A Trying Month

This has been a trying month.

Do you ever have those?

Where you get to the end of the month and say

“How did we make it through that?”

God’s grace and faithfulness has always been the answer

I honestly do not know how unbeliever gets through days, weeks, months or years without His redemptive love and grace.

I struggle so often at getting things ‘right’ or ‘perfect’.

Which is unattainable.

Christ is the only perfect things, man and God without spot or blemish.

I am to follow after Him.

How? With my spots and blemishes?

THANKFULLY

because of His GREAT love for you, and me He sacrificed His life for us, so that we can be made perfect and complete.

Which means my long list of things that I try to make perfect.

Myself

My marriage

My boys

Our home

My friendships

I need to let go and give it to the Lord.

Only He can make me into the woman He created

Only He can make my marriage a picture of Christ loving the church

Only He can change the heart and attitude of my boys

Only He can make my home a haven of rest and peace

Only He can direct the relationships in my life.

If I try to take over and do it

CHAOS!

Thankfully, the Lord is patient with me. Because even though I know what it is I aught to be doing I am not always doing it.

Which is sin

To him who knows what is right and does not do it, to him it is sin

So Lord I give it to you, my Martha ways {here and here}, {my sad heart}, {discontentment}

These trials are producing something lovely in me, slowly but surely

It's a...

I wish I could say that I am ecstatic as this note looks or even when I announced I was pregnant,

but I am a little sad. I haven't cried yet which I probably will do tonight in bed. 

Now for anyone who is struggling to conceive or carry a child to term

please don't hear a complaining mother. 

I know that we are very blessed to be pregnant with our third in 3 years.

I just wanted a girl. 

I kept telling myself that I was expecting a boy so I wouldn't be disappointed.

But clearly when my husband opened the envelope I was VERY disappointed. 

I started smiling very largely and laughing to keep from crying. 

I know I will love this boy.

I know I will adore him.

I love him now.

It is going to take me a few days to let go of hoping for a girl. 

I realize at this point statistically I am destained to being a boymom.

I probably won't have a girl as our fourth, if we decide to have four.

And that's OK. 

Its OK that I  am sad about letting go of the dreams.
Dreams of mother/daughter events.

Dreams of picking out a prom dress,

Dreams of my daughter in he wedding gown

Dreams of watching Robert walk her down the isle and

crying through their father/daughter dance. 

I wanted all those memories. 

But as of now that isn't the plan God has for us.

Jeremiah 29:11 

 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. 

God has a plan for these 3 Pattenaude boys that I am not aware of and I have to trust that His plan is better than anything I could ever plan.

I will have new dreams.
For starters I will have the privilege of bawling my eyes out three time
during the mother/son dance!

Now to agree on a name!

1000 Gifts, Reasons for Joy

Let me start off by saying I have never read this 

Ann Voskamp book One Thousand Gifts

But I have heard great things about it

and in light of yesterday's post I want to start writing them out

1000 sounds daunting 

but 

I know they are there.

So I'm starting with the basics and will post from time to time my 1000 gifts update

1. My salvation

2. My parents, they have been so supportive my whole life

3. Justine, my special needs sister who taught me so much as a young child 

4. Vejay, my little brother he is 20 years younger than me and makes me laugh ALL THE TIME!

5. My Robert, liked him at 15, loved him at 18 married him at 22!

Now I am not going to always put pictures but when I can I will! 

Joy in the midst of trials

I am going through some trials, 

too some people it may not seem like much but for me they are. 

I haven't had a good attitude at all the last 6 months. 

It has affect my mood, motivation, and mindset. 

I have grumbled, complained, fought and argued, 

out loud and in my head.

This has been made me me very weary, angry and depressed

I can't keep up this way. 

The solution:

take it to my Father, depend on Him for strength, joy, and peace. 

Isaiah 40:28-31

Have you not known?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is an everlasting God,

 the creator of the ends of the earth.

He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable.

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength;

Even youths shall faint and be weary,

and young men shall fall exhausted;

BUT

they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint.

It is so wonderful that the LORD meets you where you are.

This verse shows me what I need to do.

Wait on the LORD

Yes like most things we need to do easier said than done. Which is why we have the Holy Spirit who it there to help us in our weaknesses. 

Romans 8:26

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. 

For we do not know what to pray for as we ought,

but the Spirt himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 

2 Corinthians 12:9a

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness" 

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness,

so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

I can assure you haven't been boasting in my weakness

I have been complaining in my weakness. 

So in writing all this my goals are of a singular thought

Wait on the LORD

Seeking the Spirit intercession during prayer

Relying on His grace to be sufficient.

How are you serving your community for Christ?

Watermark members serving

I love when our church encourages us to serve. It is easy for me to be content in the easy ways I serve. They are second nature to me. I love to cook so I serve in a ministry called Hugs and Quiches. I take meal to  moms who have had children, families who have suffered the loss of a love one or for those who are in hard times due to family, illness or physical limitation. 

I also serve with are parents of preschoolers. I LOVE this ministry I get much needed support and encouragement as a mother and wife. WIN:WIN! 

But these are very comfortable....

Serving in the poverty stricken areas of my city, mentoring a child from 4th-12th grade, or counseling young confused women about the life they carry inside... that isn't easy or comfortable. 

But since when has the Christian walk been easy? Was it for christ? No they hated him John 15:18, spat on him Matthew 26:67, killed him  John 19 but that didn't deter him from his purpose. To glorify the Father. 

This  is my purpose. To glorify his Great Name

Listen to this wonderful song by Nataile Grant

I look forward to reviewing the ministries available to me and my family to serve and extend Christ to those who do not know Him.

How do you serve?

Christmas Traditions

   Now that I have a child this Christmas I have been thinking of what I want to be our family Christmas Traditions.

Here are my top 10 possibilities

1. Having and Advent Calender 
2. Picking a Angel Tree child per our kids
3. Driving to look at Christmas lights
4. Seeing Santa at the mall
5. Volunteering at a shelter where less fortunate children will be spending Christmas
6. Family Christmas Pictures 
7. Opening special pj's on Christmas Eve to wear for Christmas morning
8. Watching a Christmas movie Christmas Eve
9. Attending Christmas Eve service
10. Special Christmas morning breakfast

    These are just some of the ones that I can think of off the top of my head. I think doing all of it won't be too much, spread out over the month of December. I just know for sure that I do not want my children to think that Christmas is all about them and the presents they can get. Christmas is ALL about Christ coming to be our Savior  so that we may have eternal life, the BEST gift of all.  I want to always keep gift giving low on the Christmas priority list. No TONS and TONS of gifts.

Some questions to ponder:
What are your traditions?
What is the focus of Christmas at your home?
What would you change, if anything about how Christmas is celebrated at your home?

Asking for help

I just read one of my favorite blogs Beauty and Bedlam talking about not being able to do it all.
Man is that I lie I often believe.

"I'm a stay-home-wife/mom I can do it all" NOT!!!

 I have to constantly tell Satan to get out of my head and reach to the Lord for my strength Eph


Being on modified bed-rest is beginning to really show me that. I have so many sweet friends or friends of my moms offering to help me, but I still haven't asked. I look around my home and see laundry not done, dishing in the sink and on the counters, toys, papers, etc out everywhere. I usually say to myself, 

"I don't want anyone to see my mess".

But I am being selfish, I am making my dear husband who works hard all day from 4:30 am- 6:00pm come home to this hovel! All because of pride, and thinking that I can take care of it. When I clearly can't.


SO thanks Jen for reminding me to ask


* Deep Breath*
*Picking up the phone or sending that email*
* ASKING FOR HELP!*


Pray I stay strong in this it isn't easy!

Blessing

Sometime when we are down we only see the negative around us. I am speaking generally, but I mean myself. If you have figured out how not to do this please share! So I am kinda in a funk, feeling somewhat overwhelmed with my new responsibility as mom and wife, not really feeling connected to a body of believers and not having many close friend. So here are the things I am choosing to dwell on, my many blessings:

1. My Savior Jesus Christ
2. God's Word the Bible
3. My husband Robert
4. My sweet baby boy David
5. My mom Felecia
6. My family,
7. My husbands family
8. A husband who works hard for our family
9. A roof over my families head
10. Food on the table, in the pantry, in the fridge
11. Cute clothes to wear!
12. 2 working cars to drive
13. Watermark Bible study
14. Watermark Square One ministry for first time moms
15. Mary Kay!
16. Free Starbucks ( hubby works there)
17. MOPS
18. Living in a city with many things to do
19. My health
20. The health of my husband and son

These are just some of the things that are a blessing in my life. There are some things I am hoping to add in the next month! Please be praying for my heart attitude, that it will be one of gratefulness, and peace. Thanks!